The Bathroom Makeover: Part Two

With a gameplan in place and 10% off coupon for Home Depot, it was time to get to work!

And where do you think I began?

Yes! With the mirror of doom that looks like it belongs in a kids' hair salon.

Since I couldn't take out the whole mirror, nor remove the cemented-on tiles, the only choice was to paint over them. I first thought of the obvious white or black, but that didn't seem right. Then I started to think of textured mirror frames in a more general sense, and began envisioning metallics.

Gold paint would probably be too bold, but maybe bronze... 

Off I went to the Home Depot paint department, unsure of exactly what I was attempting to purchase. I came across a collection of Martha Stewart decorative accent paint in small jars and called over a store employee for her advice. After I gave her my entire life story as a preamble to the question, "Will this paint work on plastic tiles?" she redirected my focus to spray paint. Of course. Spray paint. It's so simple...

She walked me over to the locked cage wall of spray paint, and then to the Rust-Oleum products in every metallic shade imaginable. I went for the darkest brown/bronze option, chestnut.

Once home, Devin and I prepped the mirror.

Then,  I got to work. The very first spray across the tiles and I knew I'd made the right choice. By the end of the first coat, I was completely elated, and high as a kite from the fumes, which actually probably had a lot to do with the elation.

After an hour, I applied the second coat, which also went smoothly and without incident. Eagerly, I ripped off all the paper to admire the results.  Here's a sneak preview.

A rich color with just a hint of sparkle. And, yes, it does sort of look like Fiber One 80 calorie chocolate cereal.

But that's okay. I still pretty much want to spray paint my entire life now.

If you're wondering what happened to the bonus tiles...

Devin chipped them off using a hammer and chisel while I was at work one day. I'm really sorry I missed it.

Stay tuned for the big reveal of the complete Bathroom Makeover! Which, at the rate I'm posting, will hit the blog late February.

The Bathroom Makeover: Part One

With all of the terribly urgent home repair projects out of the way, we've officially completed Phase 1. Now we're sitting restlessly in Phase 2, which will go on for however long it takes for us to hire a contractor to do something major, thus ushering in Phase 3. Until then, we'll be doing anything we're capable of doing ourselves.

Putting all of my Modern Lodge aspirations aside for the moment, I focused my energy on this hot mess of a bathroom.   

 

Here's a closer look at what we're working with. 

There's certainly something circus-like about it. I believe it's largely owing to the unique tiles around the mirror.

From what I can deduce, this was, at one point, your average medicine cabinet. Then, someone (presumably our immediate predecessor) decided to slather it in tomato soup colored grout and adorn it with plastic tiles following no descernable color palatte.

The funny thing is, this almost seems like the kind of misguided project I would do myself and then immediately regret. But I'd forgive myself. It's a lot harder to take when it's inherited.

Oh, and then, as a bonus, these 3 tiles glued to the wall to the right of the mirror.

Why?

 Adding to this vomitous array of color and design, there are the cabinets.

 

I've never been completely sure if they're coated in varnish that had aged and oranged, or just a thin coating of orange paint. 

Either way, they have no business being matched with these handles.

So once you get over this initial shock, as I have, you can focus your attention on smaller details. Like this grotty shower curtain rod.

Or this towel hook surrounded by nothingness on a slimy french vanilla wall.

 

That hook is situated so low on the wall that any robe, towel or clothing item hangs half-rumpled on the floor.

Speaking of the floor, it's the only part I don't hate. Which is good, because I can't change it right now.

To clarify the parameters of this makeover project (and I'm using the term makeover because renovation or remodel implies structural change), here's what's up for grabs:

- Any painted surface - walls, ceiling, cabinets
- Knobs and handles
- Any fixtures - hooks, rods, racks
- Window treatments
- Rugs, accessories, decor

And what has to stay:

- The whole sink, countertop, and cabinetry area
- The shower and its tiles
- The medicine cabinet because I don't trust myself to tear it out and replace it
- The floor

At the start of this project the only work I'd done on the whole room was replacing the toilet seat because the original one was busted and falling off. Incidentally, if you're looking for a project to do that makes you feel accomplished but is really simple, try swapping out your toilet seat. Your friends won't be impressed, but you'll sleep well that night.
 
Stay tuned for the rest of the series...

Faking The Fancy At Brunch

People freakin' love brunch. Not only is it an opportunity to drink before noon and over-eat, it's also one of the few occasions for which pajama bottoms and sundresses are both equally accepted attire. People even love brunch so much they use the term brunch to refer to a meal that is very obviously only breakfast or lunch and not really a combination of both. Case in point, last weekend I hosted a 9:30am brunch, and then attended a second brunch at 1pm. Both were delicious.

The other factor that I suspect contributes to brunch's universal appeal is fanciness. Every day foodstuffs -- eggs, bread, fruit -- are dressed to impress. This is all well and good, but when you're hosting brunch, or bringing a dish to a potluck style affair, now the burden is on you. How can you be expected to throw together a gourmet delight when you're hungover, up way too early in the morning, a mom with a distracting toddler, or some combination thereof?

I have solutions! Here are my go-to brunch dishes that seem fancy, taste yummy, and take very little skill or effort. All of the ingredients can be purchased at Trader Joe's. If you don't have Trader Joe's near you, I feel bad for you in general.

Smoked Salmon Potato Pancakes

Ingredients
- 1 4oz package wild smoked salmon
- 1 block cream cheese
- 1 box frozen potato latkes
- 1 package fresh dill

Bake latkes according to directions on the box, which takes about 18 minutes. While they are cooking, cut the salmon into 8 strips. Then loosely roll the strips and set aside. When the latkes are done, remove them from the oven and allow them to cool for just a minute. Place a dollop of cream cheese on each, then top with one of the salmon portions. Then, top each off with a sprig of dill because sprigs of things really ratchet up the fanciness. Done.


As you can very clearly count, this produces 8 pancakes, which translates to 4 servings in my opinion because no one will eat just one of these little suckers. This recipe will leave you with lots of leftover cream cheese and dill, so if you are planning on making a larger batch don't buy more of that stuff.

Kale Pear Salad 

 Ingredients:
- 1 bag of kale
- 1 bottle of champagne pear vinaigrette
- 1 pear
- 1 bag of candied walnuts or candied pecans (I go back and forth, I've never decided which is better)
- Optional but not pictured: gorgonzola crumbles. I reserve this addition for when I really know my audience because for some reason not everyone enjoys hunks of stinky cheese.


Dump half the bag of kale in a large bowl. You can do the whole bag but it makes a lot of salad. Maybe you're throwing a big brunch. Congrats on having so many friends. Drizzle the kale with some olive oil and a sprinkle of salt. Make sure your hands are very clean, then massage the kale for a few minutes. This softens it up and brings out the flavor. Next, chop up the pear into thin slivers and add to the salad. Then, toss in about half the bag of candied walnuts or pecans. Pour on some of the salad dressing, to taste, and mix it all together. Transfer to a nicer bowl for serving. Done.

Now pour yourself a mimosa and relax.

The Time We Went To Washington DC But It Was Closed

Months and months ago, we were invited to the wedding of Devin's lifelong best friend. As if this wasn't exciting enough, it was also going to be held in Washington, DC, a city neither one of us has ever had a chance to explore.

"Let's make a vacation of it!" we said.
"Let's stay for a long weekend and do some sightseeing!" we said.

Flights were booked, plans were made. Devin's mother was set to join us and supervise Oscar so we could partay. Then, two weeks before our scheduled departure, the government shut down for reasons I never took the time to completely understand.

"It'll all be cleared up by the time we get there," we said.

But it wasn't. And our long weekend of touristing was whittled down to a long morning spent looking at the outsides of important buildings.

Oscar doing his Uncle Sam impression

The cool side effect of the shut down was that the whole scene was almost totally devoid of human life. "It's like being on Earth the day after," Devin's mom commented as we came up to street level from the metro station.


 Of course this probably had something to do with bad weather, a tourist off-season and it being the weekend. But it still felt delightfully eerie. 

And speaking of the bright side, the rest of the city is filled with nice people and good stuff. Georgetown is completely charming. We went to several chic hotels for cocktails, and each one was tasteful and not overcrowded. We even lucked out and scored a bartender on his last night of work, just dying to give away free glasses of champagne.



The public transportation was clean and easy to navigate. And there's a bus called The Circulator that's only $1.00 and hits some major hubs.


Our hotel was actually just over the river (well, over a river... there are several in the area and I don't know which is which) in Rosslyn, VA. It was a peculiar little urban pocket of mostly office buildings and newer apartment structures.

The view from our hotel

 There were plenty of shops and eateries for us to walk to, but the real find was the fire station holding an open house on Saturday afternoon.



And, right behind the fire station, a playground.

The gray and gloomy weather also helped win me over. I've noticed that I tend to fall in love with a city if it rains the first time I visit. While the natives run for cover, I move slowly from door to door, relishing the rainfall. Everything feels magical, every experience is like a discovery. And usually by the end of my stay, I announce, "I could live here."

I guess it was maybe a good thing capital hill touristing was a bust. Think of all the time we would've wasted being shushed in marble corridors instead of taking in, and falling in love with, the rest of this wonderful city.

The Modern Lodge Proj: Search For Art

One of the unexpected side effects of moving into our house has been my new-found disdain for the framed artwork that hung in our previous homes. For no clear reason, photos and prints I'd carefully considered and framed over the years now look sloppy and/or juvenile. And it's too bad, because now we've got more walls to adorn than ever before.

Starting with this one.


The print hanging on the wall here is a really cool series of Bill Murray illustrations that I still like.  I just don't like it there.

And so the search began for some art that Devin and I could agree on and that supported whatever I mean by modern lodge (henceforth: ModLodge). For a few weeks, there were conversations like this.

Devin: What about skis?
Briana: You mean hang skis on the wall?
Devin: Yeah like in a ski lodge.
Briana: But we don't ski.
Devin: Oh yeah...What about snow shoes?

Eventually the conversation found its way to mounted deer heads.



They certainly say "classic lodge," but they also scream, "Look at this thing that's dead now!" And I can't get down with that.

Still, we were onto something. If you've spent any time on Etsy, you know it's loaded with hipster-friendly deer head alternatives made up of just about any material that's not carcass.

 
  

But no matter how colorful and ridiculous these pieces are, they still remind me of the hacked off heads that inspired them.

Then, I remembered deer can be intact and still be art. I took to Etsy once more looking for whole deer and found this:



Pretty cool, right? Devin actually agreed and we'd finally found one thing. I ordered it immediately.

2 weeks later, this is what showed up at my front door.

It was a narrow package that contained:
The canvas/burlap print, folded
A piece of beige linen, folded
4 pieces of wood
4 plastic...bits

If you're looking at the picture and thinking that slip of paper is instructions, you're as hopeless as I am. That's a shipping receipt. It didn't come with instructions. For the sake of comparison, let me tell you that over the weekend I bought Oscar a rechargeable nightlight and inside the box was the nightlight and an a/c adapter.  And THAT came with instructions.

I emailed the seller, wanting to write something along the lines of "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Instead, I politely inquired if maybe they'd forgot to include instructions and oh, by the way, you didn't mention I was going to need to assemble this.

He sent instructions back, but they were not terribly helpful [think: "How to bake a pie" Step 1- Preheat oven. Step 2- Pie.] Fearing I'd mess up my nice new thing, I schlepped everything to a frame shop. The guy working there said there'd be absolutely no way for me to be able to do this myself, so I felt reassured that I hadn't been asking too much in assuming my art would arrive in one piece, rather than ten. He also said that the creases left in the fabric from folding them wouldn't come out completely unless I ironed them, so I took them home and ironed and ironed and it turns out burlap is a lot like aluminum foil in that in can not be de-wrinkled.

But anyway, after 4 days and 3 trips to the frame shop, it was ready to hang.



I realize it's off-center but there was already a nail there and I was at about my limit with this thing. I'll get around to moving it. What's important is that one more mission is complete!

And if you're wondering if I wrote a bad review on Etsy... I didn't. I wrote this.

The Spare Room

Typically one might award the title "spare room" to a small room at the back of the house used to store boxes of junk or the occasional house guest. In my home, the spare room is at the very front of the house, the very first room you see upon arrival.

We've tried calling it the den, or the family room, but neither term sticks. It's a second living room, a smaller version than the one that sits just on the other side of the wall. (The larger living room has the TV and therefore, the power.)

Don't misunderstand my frustrations; too much space is a delightful problem to have. It's just that because this room is such a focal point, and right off the kitchen, I've spent more time fixating on it than any other room in the house. 

I gave some thought to making it a formal dining room, but when I offered this suggestion to Devin, he said it would be a waste of a room. And he's right. Our last two dwellings had formal dining rooms that were almost never used for dining, if at all.

So at present, the room is an island of misfit furniture. Two armchairs, two bar stools of different heights (swiped from work after a shoot), and three tables, including a media console.

But it won't be so confused forever. I have a plan. A motif I'm calling "modern lodge." Feel free to borrow that phrase for your own design inspiration. Go ahead, try it. It seems like a thing, right?

We bought the house because it felt like a cozy camp. It just needs a smattering of modernity because I am, if nothing else, a hip and modern woman on top of the trends. Shut up yes I am.



The black and white rug was the first purchase towards this goal. An easy $99 dropped at Ikea. It only took a week for Seamus to stomp all over it with dirty paws. It was possibly intentional and certainly unappreciated. But the rug stays. For now.

I've got a few tricks up my sleeve for this lodge proj, including painting the fireplace. By the way, that taupe strip of wall above the brick was originally bright turqoise on our arrival. I took care of it using some leftover paint from the guest bedroom. It goes on record as the only project that took exactly as long as I estimated to complete. No more, no less. It was very refreshing.

I doubt I'll be able to say the same for everything else on the horizon. 

Tiny Los Angeles: Adventures In Toddler Amusement

Obviously I love our son and love being a mom and it's a joy and yaddi yadda and all the things that a parent shouldn't need to say as a preface to any small grievance, however obligated they may feel to do so. But with that out of the way, I have to disclose that on weekends things can get a little tedious around the house. I admire that Oscar can be amused for hours simply patrolling the perimeter of our property. Examining rotting oranges ("anu") that have fallen from the neighbor's tree and into our garden, pointing out dog poop ("da poo"), instructing me to pick up said dog poop, throwing the dog's tennis ball ("sheshe ball"). And then there are the trash cans. Oh, the trash cans. I really do wish that his favorite place to hang out and play wasn't so smelly, teeming with bacteria, and all around unappealing. But he does love a good trash can!

Devin and I take turns dutifully following him from place to place, reporting cute stories to one another during the shift change. But even with all of the attractions our backyard has to offer, there still comes a time when Oscar will stop what he's doing and look at me as if to ask, "Now what?"

Indeed. Now what? What can a family do to get out of the house, but not for too long? (Regretfully, I've allowed the nap to become sacrosanct.) What doesn't cost a lot of money? What place is not only kid-friendly, but tiny-kid-friendly?

In this edition of Tiny Los Angeles: Adventures In Toddler Amusement, I present 3 places that meet the above criteria:

Mother's Beach - Marina Del Rey

The name is not a coincidence. This beach is a mother's dream. Unlike the rest of the ocean beaches with their scary waves, rip tides, sharks and pants-optional homeless population, this secluded beach is on the edge of the marina's calm waters where pretty much nothing happens. Little ones can run and play -- no maternal panic attacks necessary!

 I don't see much reason why'd you'd come to this beach if you didn't have little kids, so it means you're in good company. (Though there are far fewer bikini-clad hotties. Sorry, dads!). Parking is easy because there's a designated public lot. It's about $10 to park, but I'm so brainwashed that seems cheap to me. As a bonus, if you go on Sunday morning, like we did, you'll be treated to the musical stylings of a city church group that meets up to worship in the picnic area and brings a pretty decent sound system. If Jesus isn't your thing, just don't listen too hard to the lyrics, and it's basically 90's R&B. In my opinion, it adds a little something to the whole experience.

Wildlife Learning Center - Sylmar

I first heard about this place from Groupon or Living Social. I thought it looked cool, didn't buy the deal, and forgot about it. A year later, as the parent of an animal fanatic, it popped back into my head.

This is a pretty small animal rescue center with monkeys, foxes, reptiles, porcupines, birds... nothing is over the top exotic, but all the critters are cute. Except a few of the reptiles. And the hissing cockroaches.

 

In my opinion, this is a better place to visit than the Los Angeles Zoo when you still have a tiny tot on your hands. I say this for a few reasons.

1. The barriers are low to the ground so they can see everything. At the zoo, all of the walls are taller than Oscar (fair enough, I realize we're dealing with Sumatran Tigers), so we have to keep lifting him up to see everything. But of course he wants to do things himself. At the Wildlife Learning Center, there are low ropes so kids can get up nice and close to everything. Don't worry, most creatures are also enclosed in cages, but you can get right near the cages and really take a look.

2. Free demonstrations. Every hour or so, a member of the staff brings one of the creatures out for petting and a very quick lesson.

3. It's not crowded. We visited on a weekend afternoon and there were only a few other families present.

4. It's small. You can make the lap around all of the exhibits in about 10 minutes. Then make it again, and again, and again. The zoo is way too sprawling for a pair of little legs to manage, which means the inevitable scenario of carrying a heavy big baby, under the hot sun (why is it always 20 degrees hotter at the zoo?) while pushing an empty stroller because will he ever, ever sit in the thing?

In conclusion, it's only $7 for adults, $6 for kids, and free for kids under 2. And you park on the street near the entrance, which is simple. And also free.

Fashion Square Mall Before 10 AM (11 AM Sundays) - Sherman Oaks

Back when we were in our apartment, we'd all start to feel cooped up and bored by about 9 in the morning. Luckily, we lived a few minutes from the mall, which opens its doors at least a half hour before the stores do. This is ideal because it means that tots can waddle or run down the length of the mall without colliding into shoppers. And because all of the stores' gates are still down, there's no way to divert off course. It's just a straight shot from Bloomingdale's to Macy's and back again.

I'm sure this plan works with almost any mall. Fashion Square gets bonus points, however, because it has some good stuff for kids. There's an indoor play space with a fish tank built into the wall. Also, train rides. And, not that we need it at this point, a family lounge in the restroom area which would be perfect for nursing breaks.

Any of you have suggestions for me? Where should we go next? Leave your comments below.