Monday, January 3, 2011

I Mean COME ON Pull Yourself Together Woman

I'll begin by saying, I don't even know where to begin. This post is long overdue. My last was November freaking 1oth. And now, considering the timing, I've decided this is going to be a New Year's resolution, reflection/projection sort of thing. Also, because I watched a season and a half of Skins over the weekend, I've adopted the narrative voice of an English teenager. In my head this all sounds so cheeky. Cheers.

While many of you enjoyed some time off surrounding the holidays, I was working somehow even more than usual. As a result, I'm back in this morning feeling remarkably unrefreshed.

They say "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." I know this is meant to be something of a warning... but I see it as an aspiration. If only I had nothing to do but sit around making plans. Currently, it's more like "Plans are what you cancel when you're busy working." Or, "Life is what happens to other people, who document it on Facebook for me to see." Bollocks.

And in the meantime, while I'm just trying to get to the stage where I can make plans, my house is a mess, I've got a heap of unopened mail and bills to deal with (Exhibit A), and my car is filthy and smells, oddly, of wet towels (Exhibit B).

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

It's not that I mean to suggest my work schedule is the sole reason for my inability to handle my day to day affairs. I've been plagued with this ineptitude for all of my adult life and whine about it frequently. Which is what got me thinking about patterns of personal behavior and, thus, New Year's resolutions.

I thought it might be useful to reflect on the goals of years past. This brought me to my old blog, Hollywood Sucker. A full year ago, I started The Doing Stuff Blog with the aim of, you know, doing stuff. And let's just say, it hasn't gone so well.

But Hollywood Sucker.... ah that was a place where I was free to sweat the small stuff, make fun of celebrities who could give a hoot what I thought of them and their elective surgeries, and present problems with no real intention of solving them.

Anyway, I found amongst the posts several well-meaning lists of resolutions. And can I just say how alarming it is to see how I have totally not stuck to anything? Like, really?

So, for instance, here is my list of published resolutions from January 2009, with my notes on their outcome thus far. Where's my list from 2010? I didn't make one. Yeah. That's commitment, folks.

1. Lose weight before my wedding.

I didn't. At least not really. But it's not my fault. Everyone told me I'd just magically lose ten pounds because I'd be so stressed out. Then I didn't. But still I was stressed. What gives?

2. Save at least SOMETHING from each paycheck.

I wrote out the SOMETHING in all caps like that because I think I knew saving mere pennies would be an accomplishment. Ask me how this turned out. Go ahead. No, don't. There's no point. You know what I'm gonna say.

3. Cook more meals at home.

This I did. Though somewhere during 2009 I wrote a post about how I wanted to vary my meals and try new recipes more often. And that didn't happen.

4. Run another race.

Yes. This happened! And I ran and ran and ran. And then I stopped.

5. Finish a screenplay.

Maybe I'll revisit this after meeting my new goal: Invent a time machine.

6. De-flab my arms.

You know, they might be marginally better, but I wouldn't know why.

7. I just ate a slice of American cheese.

God, look at how I gave up even in my resolutions list.

8. Keep a clean house.

Okay not vastly improved but I did learn the value of paying someone to clean for me!

9. Get organized.

Vague and completely absurd. May as well have written "speak Mandarin" or "bionic arm." Jeesh.

10. Watch classic movies.

This actually did happen. Not like by the hundreds, but I've made some progress. I hesitate to take pride in this accomplishment, as all it takes to achieve success is sitting around watching TV, which I already know is one of my only talents.

Back in 2008 my resolutions list was just precious. It had things like "learn to play poker" and "read Ulysses." How adorable was I? (Also, WTH?)

By the way, you may be wondering how things are coming along with all of the coupon-using I vowed to do in my last post. Well, I'll tell ya, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE MY ENTERTAINMENT BOOK IS.

Anyway I think what I can take away from this is the only resolution I will make for 2011:

Be better. Just be better.

And with that, well, lunch break is over and back to work.


  1. "9. Get organized.

    Vague and completely absurd. May as well have written "speak Mandarin" or "bionic arm." Jeesh."

    This made me laugh loudly.

  2. HA! You have always been, and continue to be, one of my favorite people ever. :)