Monday, September 30, 2013

The Modern Lodge Proj: Search For Art

One of the unexpected side effects of moving into our house has been my new-found disdain for the framed artwork that hung in our previous homes. For no clear reason, photos and prints I'd carefully considered and framed over the years now look sloppy and/or juvenile. And it's too bad, because now we've got more walls to adorn than ever before.

Starting with this one.

The print hanging on the wall here is a really cool series of Bill Murray illustrations that I still like.  I just don't like it there.

And so the search began for some art that Devin and I could agree on and that supported whatever I mean by modern lodge (henceforth: ModLodge). For a few weeks, there were conversations like this.

Devin: What about skis?
Briana: You mean hang skis on the wall?
Devin: Yeah like in a ski lodge.
Briana: But we don't ski.
Devin: Oh yeah...What about snow shoes?

Eventually the conversation found its way to mounted deer heads.

They certainly say "classic lodge," but they also scream, "Look at this thing that's dead now!" And I can't get down with that.

Still, we were onto something. If you've spent any time on Etsy, you know it's loaded with hipster-friendly deer head alternatives made up of just about any material that's not carcass.

Ornate Floral Deer Head Wall Mount  Deer Heads - made from designer wallpaper
 Mini Knitted Deer's Head Trophy Wall Decoration  Faux Taxidermy Large Deer Head Sculpture

But no matter how colorful and ridiculous these pieces are, they still remind me of the hacked off heads that inspired them.

Then, I remembered deer can be intact and still be art. I took to Etsy once more looking for whole deer and found this:

Pretty cool, right? Devin actually agreed and we'd finally found one thing. I ordered it immediately.

2 weeks later, this is what showed up at my front door.

It was a narrow package that contained:
The canvas/burlap print, folded
A piece of beige linen, folded
4 pieces of wood
4 plastic...bits

If you're looking at the picture and thinking that slip of paper is instructions, you're as hopeless as I am. That's a shipping receipt. It didn't come with instructions. For the sake of comparison, let me tell you that over the weekend I bought Oscar a rechargeable nightlight and inside the box was the nightlight and an a/c adapter.  And THAT came with instructions.

I emailed the seller, wanting to write something along the lines of "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Instead, I politely inquired if maybe they'd forgot to include instructions and oh, by the way, you didn't mention I was going to need to assemble this.

He sent instructions back, but they were not terribly helpful [think: "How to bake a pie" Step 1- Preheat oven. Step 2- Pie.] Fearing I'd mess up my nice new thing, I schlepped everything to a frame shop. The guy working there said there'd be absolutely no way for me to be able to do this myself, so I felt reassured that I hadn't been asking too much in assuming my art would arrive in one piece, rather than ten. He also said that the creases left in the fabric from folding them wouldn't come out completely unless I ironed them, so I took them home and ironed and ironed and it turns out burlap is a lot like aluminum foil in that in can not be de-wrinkled.

But anyway, after 4 days and 3 trips to the frame shop, it was ready to hang.

I realize it's off-center but there was already a nail there and I was at about my limit with this thing. I'll get around to moving it. What's important is that one more mission is complete!

And if you're wondering if I wrote a bad review on Etsy... I didn't. I wrote this.

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